It’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate

I spent five years (good, bad, beautiful and ugly years) with a boy that didn’t know that the beginning of the chorus to the song above was “Going off the rails on this crazy train”. It was funny because this was discovered as we sped down the highway singing loudly along to the song. When he sang, at the top of his lungs, his version of the lyrics, I just stopped and looked at him. Was he trying to be funny? Nope, he repeated the same wrong lyrics, my face contorted to an expression that inquired “WHAT are YOU singing?!” but he didn’t notice and kept it going. I can’t for the life of me remember what his lyrics were but I do recall him challenging me on my accuracy but when it was clear I was right a really good laugh was had. Good stuff.

So I’ve deployed a new tactic, another mom tool, given to me soon after my dad died to keep me from spiraling too deeply into the dark, stupid thoughts that seem to so easily eat me up. Not that anything I’ve encountered since can compare to the grief of that but I find when I have a negative ‘tude, this helps. It’s a little new-agey and hippy-shit; she may have picked it up in the Christian Science Reading Room. So if you’re hippy squeamish, avert your eyes now.

So it works like this: at the onset of a single negative thought, stop it and replace it with 5 positive thoughts on the same subject. Let me give you an example:

Negative Thought du jour:

“My ass is looking big”

Positive Counter Thoughts:

“Some folks like baby with back”
“It’s smaller than it used to be”
“It’s within your control to change”
“You’re taking positive steps to keep your whole body healthy”
“It’s the only ass you got, love it.”

It’s actually hard to do. As you can imagine, when you’re feeling black, it’s hard to turn sunshiney orange. Particularly because you aren’t supposed to use negative language either like “It’s NOT as big as it was”. Get it? You quickly discover negative thoughts aren’t worth your effort and soon stop having them. It’s true. Try it, I dare you.

So here’s your mission (the few but proud who read this shit), if I go into a woe-is-me rant demand I come up with 5 positives for every negative. Deal? No more of this lament and longing. No more dwelling on what is not. Just focusing on the bright side of shit and seeing how far that takes me.