Cause in my head there's a greyhound station. Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations..

So today is gonna be a long one; one of angst and anticipation.

Angst: yes, I’m still a chick. The kind of chick I don’t want to be and usually I’m not. In the back seat of my car is a baby blue polo shirt that was discarded pre-hellhole hike (and that’s the actual name, it was a beautiful hike) in lieu of something long in sleeve. I thought I gathered everything left behind prior to the smile that proceeded the words “this will be the last time I will see you for awhile”. But I was grocery-gettin’ yesterday when I noticed the baby blue. “Aw fuck” traveled from my head to my mouth in record speed. The kind of chick I am and don’t want to be is the kind of chick that sees this doorway disguised as a shirt. I could call, text, IM, or email something light and funny mentioning the hostage I have and negotiating a release over lunch or drink. Or, I could bring it inside, wash it kindly and put it in a place that I would, being the kind of chick I am now, surely peek at it just to feel the sting. How many more doors am I gonna find and struggle to keep closed? Yesterday was a similarly long angst day in which he and I bantered about the term “awhile”. He seemed to need to hear that the "future friend" option was on the table. I had only ever said “awhile” and the next day did not qualify. But today there’s a shirt. Tomorrow there will be LOST, the next day will be Thursday and I’ll probably be wondering what he’s doing this weekend and feel like I’m “over it” and “heck, let’s hike on Sunday”. He promised that even if I get to be THAT chick he won’t accept my invitations. THANK YOU for small favors. I will be that chick, I’m sure. Already, he’s soliciting new hiking buddies and my heart sank and my head said “HURRY UP!” like don’t take so long to get over it that you’re replaced as the hiking buddy, DANG!

Ok. That’s the angst.

Anticipation: once again it’s in the form of someone I met on myspace. You’d think I’d learn, you know? But killing time, looking at friends of friends of friends I came across a fella that listed “Phantom Tollbooth” as a favorite book. I then noticed that he had similar music tastes AND lived in Cinncy in the years I traveled to that city to see Pavement. Turns out we were at the same Pavement show in Cinncy in 1994 and some other concerts in Denver. We’ve been slowly heading West for years and anonymously crossed paths often. It took me a while and yes, I’m that kind of chick as well- the kind that's not afraid to ask YOU out- I finally was all like I totally could use some more friends in SD, wanna be one? "Absolutely" was the reply so tonight I will meet him. Not so much romantic anticipation but a no-hassle friendship would be a welcomed change.

Wish me luck. I need to put the angst to bed and wake up to a world of happiness, you know?